Be you, unapologetically!

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.” -Sally Field

Ah, that familiar feeling of judgement that we give ourselves because someone else told us something that they didn't like about us. Remember that? Oh, that still happens? Well, let's talk about it, shall we?

When I was growing up, alot of the choices I made and interests I had/have were constantly judged by people who knew absolutely nothing about me and for a long time it made me question everything that I did, said and liked. I'm going to be honest, I'm not a regular joe - I'm quite the weird little thing with alot of weird interests - Folklore, the Paranormal, conspiracy theories, history, and the list goes on - and so this made it difficult for me to find my group of people because not alot of them like this kind of stuff. Let's face it, I'd be more relatable if I like things like sneakers, trendy music and street fashion - I think - but I'm not that kind of person. I enjoy those 3am conversations about extraterrestrial life and what kind of personalities stars would have if they were human. Its not mainstream interests or conversation starters, but it's who I am. For a long time, because of my "unrelatabilty" of the things I love, I used to change myself to fit crowds and it never felt right. It was like dropping that circular shape into the square hole of one of those shape bucket things. I never felt like I belonged anywhere because I kept changing who I am to fit the crowd I was in, and I only thought about other people's judgements of me. Let me tell you friend, that is no way to live life, it's seriously unaccomplishing and dismal.

I understood that for me to find my own people and still remain unapologetically me, I had to develop my own perspective of myself and live by it. I had to be one hundred percent me and not worry about anything anyone else had to say. Sounds easy enough, right? Ha! Think again.

I had to master acceptance - or at least grasp it - before I could be me. It was extremely difficult in the beginning because I felt as if I was alone and I knew that becoming conventional was not an option because that meant that I would have to completely change who I am to fit in. I changed myself so much before, that I didn't even realise I kind of forgot who I am. I changed the way I spoke, the music I listened to, my interests, my way I dressed, all because I wanted to belong so badly. Acceptance began with me rediscovering my old, familiar self. I know it sounds like a bad thing, rediscovering your old self, but not like this, because I knew that the old self held the key to me being the best of my new self. I rewatched all those documentaries and videos that comforted me before, I got back into researching areas of interest and before I knew it, i felt complete again because I knew that I was back to being one hundred percent me. I found my aesthetic and I was finally comfortable with who I am.

When we judge ourselves through someone else eyes, we don't always understand how devastating it can be to ourselves. We don't fully understand that everyone is different and all we are trying to do is live our lives the best way we can. The things we like, the interests we have and the way we dress all form part of our personality and it helps us navigate this path, it helps us belong. Changing ourselves to fit environments has never helped anyone, and in order to help ourselves we must create our ideal environment. We must surround ourselves with like minded people and create safe spaces for ourselves. The judgement that we see of ourselves through someone else's eyes ARE NEVER TRUE. This is a sign of a lack of confidence in ourselves and abilities and is something that we need to work on. We start with accepting ourselves for who we are, for all that we are. Thereafter we continue doing those things that bring us joy, because it makes us happy for a reason and who are we to deny our own happiness? Finding that confidence and comfort in ourselves brings about a feeling of trust, and when we trust ourselves - without judgement - we can do so much, be so much and have an enormous impact on someone's life.

I learned that one hundred percent of the time, people are not giving us a second thought, and those who are, well, we can see it as them admiring the beautiful way that we are unapologetically us *wink wink*. At the end of it all, it comes down to perspective and confidence because these two go hand-in-hand; our perspective needs to be that of "I am who I am because I'm unique" and the confidence needs to be aligned with "my uniqueness makes me interesting, it makes me different. It makes me the best version of myself". Now this is not an overnight process, it takes time - believe me it does. I'm still going through it - and during the process, we learn alot about ourselves and what we are capable of. When we aren't judging ourselves and we finally find that comfort, we explore all that we can about who we are, and we use this knowledge to help us be better versions of ourselves.

Being comfortable in our own skin, with the things we love and the interests we have will never be a bad thing, it only makes us more of ourselves, more valued and more interesting.